Ask Dr. Rick

Rick Delaney, Ph.D. is a psychologist who has been trained by foster and adoptive parents. He will share what they have taught him over the past 25 years when it comes to raising kids with serious emotional and behavioral problems. Read his column: Small Feats: The Unsung Accomplishments of Foster and Adoptive Parents.

How Helping Professionals May Compound Problems If They Do Not Understand the Specialty Area That Foster Care Is

by

Richard J. Delaney

To work with foster and adoptive parents, helping professionals should have more than one arrow in their quiver. Many professionals believe that they can use one approach or generic tools with foster care situations, but that just doesn’t work. Excellent, truly genuine social workers, counselors, psychiatrists, and other helping professionals often simply do not know much about foster care and special needs adoptions. Even very dedicated, highly skilled professionals may lack familiarity with how to help foster children and families. Unfortunately, these professionals do not fathom the impact a formerly maltreated child may have on the foster family’s dynamics. These professionals are unaware of the fact that working with foster children and their families requires special expertise. To our knowledge, there are only two universities in the United States which grant a certificate in foster care specialty to mental health professionals.

Feedback from foster parents:

Sadly, I receive feedback each year from foster and adoptive parents that they were not only un-helped but were actually hurt by involvement with helping professionals. No one wants that! Here’s what I have been told:
“They never listened to my side of the story. The psychologist met with the child alone and swallowed what she said without checking with us.”

Note: If there are individual psychotherapy sessions with the child, it is important for mental health professionals to confer with foster parents before and after each session to debrief. Without that treatment may become irrelevant or even harmful. Children are not above presenting their side of the story only, or for seeking sympathy, and for projecting blame. Without the corrective input from foster parents, the unsuspecting professional may be led down the primrose path.

“The counselor told my foster child she didn’t have to follow my directions. This counselor never consulted me directly on this. I guess, she felt that I was too strict.”

Note: It is essential for the counselor to shore up the placement not pull the rug out from beneath it. If the counselor sees the need for change, discussion directly with you, the foster parents, is mandatory.

“We were at first seen as heroes by everyone at the human services department and at the mental health office. But, when we got too exhausted to continue with our child and asked for her to be removed, all of a sudden we were the enemy.”
Note: It’s not uncommon for helping professionals to become exasperated with foster parents who find it necessary to have a child moved for their own safety and well-being. It’s tragic when foster parents are blamed for trying but not succeeding with a child. I suspect that we lose many foster parents forever when they feel punished for their need to have an overly taxing child removed from their home.”

“The direction that counseling took was mind-boggling…All the questions focused on how our marriage was doing, how we communicated, and how our approaches with the child were all wrong…We felt like we were to blame, though we had done nothing to force the child to burn down the town library…This child had come to our home because he had already burned down his birth family’s home and had started playing with fire at his grandmother’s house…We wanted someone to help the child get out his anger in words rather than torch our house...But, suddenly we were under the microscope.”

Note: If helping professionals are unaware of family dynamics in foster care, they may look at any family dysfunction as the cause of the child’s problems. For example, if the foster mother looks exasperated or depressed, that’s seen as the reason behind the child’s problems. If the foster parents disagree on their view of the child, the marital split is seen as the culprit. Helping professionals who are trained specifically would most likely avoid the pitfalls of applying standard family systems theory to the special families created by foster placements.

“We never had a clue about what went on behind closed doors. The caseworker never gave us any feedback. The counselor told us the sessions were confidential. Heck, this was a three-year-old foster child! Confidentiality? We simply wanted some answers and some direction. How should we handle her three hour long temper tantrums, many of which occurred after therapy sessions or visits by the case-worker. I asked, why all the secrecy?”

Note: Secrecy indeed! We need much more honest communication and much greater cooperation between helping professionals and helping parents. Without that—given the level of disturbance among today’s foster children—we will inadvertently undermine placement stability and increase placement failures. Our system needs to re-evaluate how confidentiality is employed and misused. To better help their children, foster parents need to be privy to the facts and concerns.

Specialized mental health services:

If foster parents are to succeed they deserve specialized, quality mental health services for themselves and their children. For these services to be sound and relevant, the mental health provider needs specific training. Here are some areas of training mental health professionals need:

Family dynamics in foster care, kinship care, and special needs adoptions.

Special issues related to adolescent mental health in foster care and adoption.

Helping families raise children who have been drug or alcohol affected before birth.

Working with families in a team-wise approach rather than emphasizing working with the child in isolation.

Knowledge of attachment issues: how maltreatment and subsequent foster care drift or multiple placements impairs the child’s capacity to attach, trust, and relate.

How to help families design relevant, effective family-based strategies and parenting skills to work with at-risk children.

Final remarks:

The chances for successful outcomes for foster and adoptive children will be increased with sound support from helping professionals. These professionals should receive specific training which will insure the care they offer foster and adoptive families is on target.

 

Dr. Rick Delaney - January 2004