Ask Dr. Rick

Rick Delaney, Ph.D. is a psychologist who has been trained by foster and adoptive parents. He will share what they have taught him over the past 25 years when it comes to raising kids with serious emotional and behavioral problems. Read his column: Small Feats: The Unsung Accomplishments of Foster and Adoptive Parents.

Importing Pathology Into Your Foster Family

Everywhere I have traveled in the United States we have a shortage of foster parents. It’s at a crisis level in some parts of the country, and there’s talk of brining back orphanage care. Indeed, foster parents are “an endangered species.” Recruitment and retention of good foster parents is an on-going top priority in our child welfare system. I’ve heard an upsetting statistic that we lose one half of our first-time foster parents after the placement of their very first foster child. There are a variety of reasons which explain the foster parent shortage. But, let me mention briefly four of them: One, the “system” can be complicated and frustrating to deal with. Foster parents feel unsupported, unheard, and sometimes devalued by the system. Two, the specter of abuse allegations haunts foster parents. It’s no secret that foster children can cause a great deal of harm by making false allegations about their foster family. Three, today’s foster children are much more disturbed than in years past. Many foster children would have been placed in institutions, hospital settings, or treatment centers but are now kept in our communities and placed in home environments; and four, great is the emotional toll on parents of raising a troubled foster child. The personal, emotional impact of caring for a troubled child is underestimated by most. There is a myth that once a child is taken out of their abusive background and placed with a good foster home, that all is well with the world. In actuality, the journey towards a better life for the child has just begun.

Of the four reasons listed above, I’d like to address the latter two: how troubled foster children are today and the emotional toll of parents. To do this, I want to describe what has been called, “Imported Pathology.” Imported pathology amounts to the emotional baggage, psychological difficulties, bad habits and troubling behavior problems which accompany foster children into your home. As you know, foster children, most of who have been abused, exploited, or neglected, arrive in foster care with a mental blueprint (a point of view), survival behaviors (actions which kept them alive), and historical roles (learned in dysfunctional families), all of which impact the foster family in more ways than they expected. Here are some stories which illustrate how imported pathology can affect your foster family:

Mr. and Mrs. Smith had never argued as much in their marriage as they had following the placement of Sally into their home. After 6 months they seemed to view her in almost opposite ways. Mr. Smith was appalled at how negatively his wife described Sally. He asked her repeatedly to lighten up on the discipline.

Mr. and Mrs. Jones thought they would become foster parents so their ten-year-old son, Todd, wouldn’t have to live as an only child any longer. After a tough year of fostering Jack, also 10, and a very, very needy child, the Jones had begun questioning their initial motivation. Todd had begun showing behavior problems, e.g., negative attention seeking, at school.

A very bright but controlling foster daughter, Miranda, was in constant conflict with her foster mother over who was in charge of the children. Miranda, twelve, was a parental child who attempted to discipline, feed, bathe, and care for her younger siblings, ages 5 and 8. Despite Mrs. Brown’s constant reminders to “be a child,” Miranda seemed insistent on being a parent.

In each of the three illustrations a child entered the foster home and there were ripple effects throughout the family system. The child in each situation brought history, e.g. “living history” into the foster home. When the living history is negative, dysfunctional, and unhealthy, it’s called “imported pathology.” The foster family, often unknowingly, becomes actors in a drama the child is quite familiar with. I have stated many times that the $64,000 question is: will the foster family reach the child, before the child gets to the family? Older children do not enter the home as a “blank slate,” a chalk board upon which we simply write a new destiny. With many children, they are not the chalk-board, they are the chalk which often etches indelible marks on the family. It has been said that the child is the artist and the painting.

In the series of articles which follow on an every-other-week basis, we will address a number of issues and occurrences related to imported pathology and its impact on foster families. Here’s what we’ll discuss:

Why foster fathers and mothers each view and experience the child very differently.

How helping professionals may compound problems if they do not understand the specialty area that foster care is.

How living history is reenacted in your family.

How important it is to gain knowledge of the child’s history before accepting him/her into your home.

What the common, predictable parent reactions are to a child’s troubling behaviors.

What the impact on other children in the home might be.

How myths that new foster parents believe, can be a set up for disappointment and placement disruption.

Dr. Rick Delaney - January 2004