She was in her classroom in first grade and the office called her down to the counselor's office. She went down reluctantly thinking she had done something to get in trouble. When she got there the counselor was sitting there in a chair with these big men sitting next to her. She knew who the one was. Wearing a police uniform it was very obvious who he was but she was very confused as to who the other man was. With her heart pounding and her knees beginning to shake she walked into the room and sat down. "These men are here to talk to you about your Dad." She said as nicely as she could try very hard to comfort the young girl. She immediately began to wet her pants and started to cry. She was very scared and shut down immediately. She wanted to run away and they hadn't even asked her anything yet. The thought of telling them anything scared her so much that she wet herself again. She and the counselor had to go change her pants. The men in the room had not even said one word yet.

I mentioned this example of one reaction children have so you would understand what they go through. I feel it is important to put yourself in their place or "shoes" as much as possible. When the above-mentioned instances happen to me I was terrified. There is only one way to explain the way it felt at that very moment. Imagine looking down the barrel of a gun that has just gone off-in slow motion, very slow motion. The amount of fear and shear terror that was going through my little 6 year old body at that moment was enough to give a person a heart attack. I thought that I could never feel that again and live through it. I was very wrong. I thought about killing myself at that very moment. Even though I wanted my father to stop the abuse I was so terrified that he would kill me or that worse he wouldn't. He had threaten that he would keep me alive if I told only to abuse me to the point of killing me by raping and beating me to death. The fear of what he had instilled in me for 6 years flashed before my eyes. It had me so afraid of him hurting that I wanted to kill myself so he couldn't torture me to death.

I have found that to some extent all abused children have been threatened to keep quiet. Physical harm to child or someone close to the child, emotional blackmail such as treat of telling "You asked for it" or "They won't love you if they knew what you did" seem to be very common. Not to say that these are the only ones. Abusers will do ANYTHING to keep a child quiet. This is why I had such a hard time telling anyone. I didn't tell anyone. My actions at school were a major indicator that something was wrong. I was wetting my pants almost everyday sometimes twice a day. I couldn't concentrate on any schoolwork. I was very withdrawn and quiet. I had no friends, at all! I missed 64 days of the school year. My father's excuses were getting harder to believe and eventually he stopped writing excuses. At the same time he was doing the SAME THING to my two younger brothers. He was an alcoholic and when he drank he would physically abuse them and me. One time he made them count how many times he hit me with the garden hose. I passed out after 23 times and woke up the next day completely naked and on the floor of his room. As horrible as these things are they only got worse, as is the case with most kids in SCF that have been abused.

I went on to be shuffled from one home to the next until I was sixteen. A total of 8 foster homes, Waverly Children's Home, and three visit to Christie School for "troubled children". The amount of counselors and therapy I went through was enough to make someone crazy even if they weren't already. I had three different caseworkers. I was never allowed to stay anywhere for longer that about 6 months. I ran away constantly, attempted suicide four times, and was on every kind of medicine to "help" my behavior. I was sent home to live with my mother twice. Both times someone else abused me.

When I was 15 years old I ran away and was raped by a group of Hispanic males and became pregnant. I was forced to have an abortion. Which sent me in to another massive depression and another attempt to kill myself. When I was recovered and placed in my last foster home those poor people were not informed of my complete past and did not understand how to handle me. They had no clue that I had been so abused and neglected even by the system that was suppose to help me. Three days before my 17th birthday I ran away for the last time, meeting an abusive man and getting pregnant.

Looking at this very brief over view at one child's experience of abuse, foster care, & the system that is intended to help them you can begin to understand how these kids are going to react to you and their new situation. My hope with this article is to shed a seldom seen or heard about point a view. It is a hard thing to get if you have not been there. I want to help those who haven't see children who have been abused for what they really are. They are "broken souls", They are not broken. That place in children where their sprit is has been broken. They need to heal from within. It is there innocence and childhood have been taken away from them and they may never get it back. Which is the sad and all to often truth. They will be forever changed by what has happened to them. The idea that you can return them to a "normal" child is a lie. You are lying to yourself and the child you think your helping. What they need is for you to acknowledge the abuse and their pain from it, then to help them to move on from there.

If you would like to talk more about this issue please feel free to e-mail me

krystal@onlinemac.com

I am happy to talk and share anything to help you in the journey of helping children in need.

Sincerely,

Krystal (log in name- Turtlemom)