Here are a few suggestions that my family has adopted as guidelines for
our home. Remember , they are just suggestions based on our experience
and I hope you may find some of them helpful.
- If you have your own biological children living in your home ie.
teenagers on down, don't take children older than your own children.
Pecking order is very important to the healthy development of children.
We reached this decision after taking a 6 year old and found that
it was to stressful on our 2 & 3 year old. Doing this not only can
undermine the parenting of your biological children it can also cause
unnecessary insecurity in them. This is entirely up to you and all
ages of children need homes; however, the longer you are a foster
parent the more experience you will have and in fact need for older
children. Example: my youngest child is 2. I prefer to take children
under the age of 2.
- Remember what you are. A temporary, safe home for children in crisis.
There are children that will in fact come to your home and have no
one and if you would like to adopt a child like this, wonderful. But,
many if not most of these children have families and the objective
is to find a safe healthy place within these families for them to
live. Don't try and keep a child that is wanted. Save that space and
that place in your heart and home for that child that has no one,
and believe me they are out there.
- Your best friend in foster care is your paper work. I cannot emphasize
enough how important this is. Write down everything. When social workers
call, when you call social workers, family calls. What time ,the date,
what was said. Keep a journal as to the daily activities that occur
with each child. You don't need to write a book but you certainly
want to be able to protect yourself and provide valuable information
that could be very significant to the long term placement decisions
of the child.
- Get to know the childs attorney. Call him/her up introduce your
self and I even send them pictures of the child so that they can have
a face for their case. Send them the summary of calls from family
and any developmental reports that will provide him the information
he needs to represent the child with the childs best interest in mind.
Social workers are over worked and overwhelmed. Don't rely on them
to be able to get every thing that you provide to the attorney. You
are that childs advocate as far as making sure the court has every
thing that they need to make a responsible decision that will determine
this childs future. You don't have to call every week just touch base
before the court dates. (CSW can keep you posted on court dates. Post
them on a calender so you are prepared.)
- Social Workers are your peers. They are our allies not our advisories.
If you talk to a worker on the phone and feel slighted don't take
it personal. Most likely it is those foster parents that have gone
before you that have unfortunately tarnished OUR image with the worker.
Be courteous and just know that once they meet YOU they will realize
that you are professional and want to work with them not against them
. If after meeting and working together awhile you still have problems
perhaps the worker can be changed but take the problem to the supervisor
and if nothing happens take it to the deputy . Here is were your notes
and documentation will prove invaluable. Also it can be helpful to
go directly to the grievance person in your association who should
be able to help you through it. It may not seem like it at times but
we really do want the same thing and that is what is best for the
child. My favorite new saying is"If your enemy is still your enemy
after you win the war then you really haven't won."
- Lastly, yet most important is for you to continue to educate your
self as it pertains to these children. Go to as many classes as you
can go. Read what ever you come across that may help you be the BEST.
You are Professional Parents. You have taken on the job of raising
other peoples children and it is serious, important , rewarding, and
can be very disappointing. Disappointment however can be minimized
with knowledge. Knowledge is the most empowering thing that you can
give yourself and it will help to make you a good foster parent. STRIVE
FOR EXCELLENCE AND AT THE LEAST YOU WILL BE GOOD.
|
