Children are the most precious beings on earth. Most have a tremendous capacity for unconditional love. They can survive intolerable situations. They share their insights and their tears with those who are willing to care. And often they are a reflection of the nurturing they have received. Unfortunately we know not all children have parents who appreciate these gifts.

Those in foster care desperately crave love from their natural parents who have not provided it. This can be a frustration to foster parents, yet they still open their hearts and their homes to children who need it most. They provide an opportunity for a desperate child to grow. This is a true gift of unconditional love.

Foster parents committed to children are willing to work and wait patiently for that special moment when a child shows trust and reveals the person inside. Last week one of our foster mothers was subjected to constant angry outbursts by her foster daughter. She continually cried out, "I hate you. You're not my real mother." But the foster mother didn't give up. She worked with her and held her close and continued to comfort her. One night, in a small voice as the mother cuddled her, the girl finally recognized where the real blame belonged. "It's my mother's fault. If she hadn't left me in that hotel, I wouldn't have to be in foster care."

The above story demonstrates that there are breakthroughs, good things come to those who recognize and take pleasure in the small rewards. Committed parents can find them. But commitment is not always easy.

Remember to take time away from the children at least once a week. Never lose your own identity. This will help you when the moment of separation comes. Maintain your own self-esteem and provide a positive role model for the child. Provide rewards for yourself. Keep a firm perspective with difficult children. Don't succumb to their anger and pain even though it is often expressed as a personal attack against you. At all costs maintain a happy attitude which will influence those around you.

These tasks quite often require the support of others. Don't be afraid to seek it from support groups, professional therapists, foster family associations, books, friends and family. By employing the above tools, foster parents can contribute enormously to the well being of children so in need and so capable of love. Foster parents truly are good people.

Dr. Paula Moisan is a clinical psychologist specializing in working with children.